the NOT-so runner girl

FRUSTRATED.

I am so freaking frustrated with my body right now.

If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I have battled my weight for a VERY long time. I have went from heavy to normal to heavy again. I was diagnosed with cancer. I went from not very active to a runner, running 5-6 miles 2-3 times a week to not very active again.

“Life” has happened more times than I care to admit.

At the beginning of this year, I vowed to get the weight off and get active again. Now that I can eat good foods (since my band removal) I have been tracking what I eat, still having occasional splurge days like before, but being aware. I also aim to exercise a minimum of 3 times a week. I’ve been great at that, most weeks 4 times except for the 2 weeks following my surgery.

In 2 months, I lost a pound.

A single pound.

So, I decided to restart the C25K program. Not only do I want to run again (it is cheap therapy) but it also packs a huge calorie burn into shorter amounts of time. I totally believe that if it wasn’t for running, I wouldn’t have had as much success losing all my weight before. I went and got new shoes, put the app back on my phone and set out.

2 weeks in and my body is revolting. Not only, is my weight still at a plateau, but my bones are dying.

Something many people don’t know is that a side affect of my form of leukemia is bone pain. I deal with it occasionally on a normal basis, but the last 2 weeks have been miserable. I’m not sleeping because they hurt. I push through the pain to walk and even run because I am stubborn. I do not want to quit.

I’m at a loss on what to do. Keep running and just deal with the pain because I miss running or just focus on the exercises that don’t make me want to cry for days afterwards.

Why am I so dead set on continuing to be a runner when it wreaks such havoc.

Am I less of a person if I don’t run?

Do I lose some “status” if I don’t run anymore?

I dunno.

 

2 Comments

  1. My Bandita

    When I was losing the most, I was also running (or, probably more accurately for me, jogging). I totally understand what you are saying here (although I cannot empathize with the bone pain :(, I have had some more minor knee issues and know that running long term is not supposed to be good for you since it is so high impact). When I get back into full force, I have also questioned whether I’ll do it again. On the one hand, jogging is how I feel I got results. On the other, I don’t want to deal with pain and problems that might arise because of it. I am not committing to anything yet since I’m still in the thick of my school project obligations, but when I do, I will be facing the same issues. Good luck with the C25K, and I really hope that your pain diminishes (or, even better, disappears!) very soon!

Thoughts?