I am going to be honest here. I have hidden it for the last few months behind smiles, but I am not smiling inside.
I have fallen…hard. Since September, I gained 13 pounds, I am now down to only 10.2 but still, 13 pounds! My total lack of caring has erased 5 months of hard work. 5 months of bettering myself and feeling good about my self. Why?
Sure, I could blame it on stress, I mean we do have TDYs, PCS, budget and job changes in the near future. I had the stress of working at a church during Christmas AND amidst a huge renovation project.
But, I don’t think it was that. I think I just gave up. Took on a “why bother” attitude.
I think I have been spending too much time comparing myself to everyone else and their losses compared to mine. Then, I read a verse today that really hit me.
“Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of. But don’t compare yourself with others.” Galatians 6:4 (CEV)
I am really hard on myself, hence why none of my weight loss attempts before the band would work. One mess up and I gave up. Not this time though. I am done “giving up” and done comparing myself to others. Sure, I am still going to screw up, that is human nature but the only failure is giving up. I need to realize that I have less to lose now, so it IS going to be slower and that although you can’t tell by looking at me from the outside, I am an active leukemia patient. It is there everyday affecting every part of my body. I need to “man up” to this fact and simply do the best *I* can do.
So, I am officially getting back on track.
What does this mean for me? Well, for starters…
- Tracking my food, good or bad
- Opening up my food diary and being accountable to “anyone”, see it here
- Drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day
- Exercising at least 3x a week, even if my fatigue only allows a 10 minute walk – I was successful last week and this week, although I have discovered my body can’t handle the 3 days in a row I have been doing
- Stay at my calorie goal at least 6 days a week
- Allow myself 1 day a week that I can go over by 500 max
- Not allow snacks/desserts in the house that are more than 250 calories, those have to be gone “out” for
These aren’t hard goals, but I do need to get back in sync with them. I did them easily for 14 months and I CAN do them again.