disappointed.

So I get on the scale this morning, for my usual weekly weigh in. No anxiety, the scale has been pretty consistently moving downward except for a few times when it stayed exactly the same. This morning though, it was up 3.4 pounds.

I gained 3.4 pounds in one week!!

I’m not exactly sure how it happened. I mean, I know I did go a bit nuts finally being able to eat solids after Wednesday but really….3.4 pounds is 11,900 MORE calories than my body burns in a week (which is roughly 10,150 calories) . That means I would have eaten 22,050 calories in 7 days (average 3150 per day).  There is no way I ate THAT much extra. And yes, I only got to run once last week, but come on….I ran less than that and ate more over Christmas/vacation and at least maintained.

I do know some of it is water weight as my body water reading was 5% higher than normal, but still….

I am SO disappointed in myself.

My goal during this time of being unfilled was to at least maintain and what do I do?! I gain 3.4 pounds in 4.5 days of being unfilled…this is going to be a long 4 weeks.

Needless to say, I was in a pretty crappy mood today and needed my stress relieving session (running). So, I ran…my initial plan was to run for 30 minutes. I hit the 30 minutes, felt good so I was going to do 45 minutes. Hit 45 and was determined to keep going..hit 5 miles and then 60 minutes. I wanted to keep going but finally had to surrender the treadmill. I ran my  furthest distance, longest time and fastest run all in one.

I started thinking about it later though,  I was mentally trying to punish myself with the run for gaining weight.

Am I ever going to get over this fat girl mentality?!

4 Comments

  1. Heather

    Lacy,

    I, too, have had a lot of health issues, mostly from almost dying before I found out I had Celiac disease. I also had to count calories to stay healthy, only to gain weight. Trust me, I think too much is better than too little, especially when you can’t eat (I think you’ve been through that) and you feel like you’re dying. (Probably been there, too, huh?)

    Anyway, I went through the deep depression, denial I had a problem, anger at everyone else who didn’t have to eat a “special diet” and anger at them for not understanding me. I can admit all this now. Not then, but now. Whew, it’s good to be on the upside of that roller coaster!!

    So now the reason I wanted to post to you…I don’t really think you gained 3.4 lbs of “bad weight” in one week. I think more likely you are gaining MUSCLE and holding WATER. Really.

    Water weight gain fluctuates so much, especially for women, especially at different times in their cycle. I personally gain 2+lbs every month around my cycle time. It’s crazy. And with the running, you are replacing adipose tissue (fat) with muscle–it weighs more, and it holds water in the muscle.

    The other thing is, don’t be so hard on yourself. You aren’t a big person anymore. You are in the “average” weight category now. I know you have a goal you want to reach, and that’s awesome! But give yourself permission to have ups and downs–that mirrors life.

    It’s not how you LOOK! It’s how you see yourself. You are GOOD! You are getting better every day! Love yourself the way God does–unconditionally!!!

    Have a happy day!! :)

Thoughts?